After almost a whole year....my issues remain. My hurts and pains are still here. My sorrows and cares are stubbornly holding their ground.
But the grace. Oh the grace has returned. I have let it in once more. For so long I've been killing hope, not watering it with the Eternal Love which wants to overflow into my heart. But Love is seeping through the grounds of my heart once more, and the Living Hope is beginning to grow again. Fed on so little for so long, it doesn't need much to sustain it; yearning and longing after more and more, though, it is calling me out again to live in grace. Yet this calling out requires something I have not practiced for an age (like trying to play the piano again after not touching the ivory keys for years)....trust.
Jesus, you have led me to rest. Glimpsing, ever more unfolding, who You are. Your beauty, my Lord, overwhelms my soul. Your wholeness of love is far, far too big for me. I am surrounded by Your wealth of grace and a certainty of Your many promises. I am resting in the joy of what You are. Finding out the greatness of Your loving heart. Beholding Your changeless love which satisfies my heart in its deepest places. Enfolding me in Your peace.
You love me when I feel fat, when I feel like a rubbish daughter, when I feel like a bitter friend, when I feel like a worthless girl, and when I feel like a failure of a Christian. This love. It's too beautiful. It's too great. There's too much hope, too much promise. It don't deserve it, and yet You've given it to me.
My precious, beautiful Jesus. My Lord. My King. My Friend. My Brother....I love you. Words fail me when I see this tender, gentle love and those kindly eyes. Those hands that carved wood and now reach out to me if I would but put down this pen. Rest. Mmmm. Rest. Something I have not allowed myself to know in a long, long time. A forbidden blessing I have wrongfully and sinfully avoided and excluded. A rest that satifies me and securely fixes me within Your love.
The joy of Your face is before me and the peace of Your hands have touched me.
A hope has been renewed.
Jesus I am resting, resting
In the Joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For by Thy transforming power
Thou hast made me whole.
Chorus:
Jesus, I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.
O how great Thy loving kindness.
Vaster, broader than the sea!
O how marvellous Thy goodness,
Lavished all on me!
Yes, I rest in Thee, Beloved,
Know Thy certainty of promise,
And have made it mine.
Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,
Satisfies my heart;
Satisfies its deepest longings,
Meets supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings;
Thine is love indeed!
Ever lift Thy face upon me,
As I work and wait for Thee;
Resting 'neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus,
Earth's dark shadows flee.
Brightness of my Father's glory,
Sunshine of my Father's face,
Keep me ever trusting, resting;
Fill me with Thy grace.
